Article archive
46 pieces, newest first.
A Segment of a Tour of the National Gallery of Flatland
Vocabulary paper for 2D Design (Art 109) at Shoreline College with Prof. Matt Allison. Based loosely on Edwin A. Abbott's Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions . A line of students drew its way into the main gallery of the prestigious…
December 7, 2025
The Blizzard of ’78
The night before the Blizzard of '78 , me and my brother were playing cards. When I was in the middle of saying, "Go Fish" the radio came on with, "There is a traveler's advisory for all of Indiana and parts of Ohio." I'm glad my mom…
March 15, 2025
Trust Fund Baby
I dunno what to make of this. I expect I could write a whole book deconstructing it, the rights and the wrongs of it, and in the end, still not be any closer to understanding if it was the letter that saved me or doomed me. One way or…
March 8, 2025
January 12, 2002
"I'm dying", she said flatly. As if speaking it aloud would somehow point out the ridiculousness of the statement and they would both have a good laugh at it. She smirked ever so slightly, to get the ball rolling, but inside her she…
February 20, 2025
And neither
I used to believe men were mean women were wise and I was alone and neither When we were young we laid upon the bed instead of in it, together I used to believe I knew my needs my needs were mine and that was it And then I found my…
February 11, 2025
What Makes Gay Tick?
This was my English 141 journal entry for tonight, analyzing Gay Talese's essay, "Delving into Private Lives." What drove Gay Talese to care more about people who don't make the news than people who are considered newsworthy? Talese is…
February 10, 2025
Johanna Wilder, Alternative Newspaper Mogul, Shuffles Off Mortal Coil
As waves of humans download themselves into robot bodies and lay their flesh-and-blood bodies to rest, memorials of human remains and their achievements remain in fashion As the light on the USB-4 hub that was attached to her…
March 19, 2024
from The Onion: Tuesday, April 11, 1989
One of my stories from The Onion ’s second year, 1989, with super-cool James Sturm artwork to accompany it. I drew the little Viper spaceship in MacPaint years earlier, and was thrilled to use it as a dingbat. The details were a slice…
August 7, 2023
Flamingo Boy
This is the issue I worked on, my first week as a volunteer at The Onion . I am not pictured here. Cover of “Flamingo Boy issue” of The Onion from 1988 . We received a very earnestly-worded letter to the editor and I think it was the…
November 24, 2022
I Want To Fucking Go Golfing
[Originally published on May 24, 2005 at www.bitcheswithglitches.com/nwn/ .] I don’t know why, I just do. I was never a good golfer. I was more of a “duffer” who swore a lot after she hooked or sliced yet another shot. But there was…
September 17, 2022
Benzo Buddies Coda
Posted today on BenzoBuddies.org where there is a tradition of posting a Success Story when one has reached a point where they feel recovered from post-acute withdrawal syndrome due to long-term benzodiazepine use. Hey everyone, it's…
July 16, 2022
Math is Hard
(From my blog “Android Sisters”, May 1998) When I start to think myself too much of a smartypants, I read about math. The problem is, that I get so dingdanged excited about it, it just makes me want to become a theoretical…
June 21, 2022
Morality, Star Wars, and Obi-Wan Kenobi
>> Warning: Spoilers for Obi-Wan Kenobi , Episode I and II << Obi-Wan Kenobi ’s first two episodes — of six total that have been filmed for season one — are out, with a third coming the day after Memorial Day. I watched them last night…
May 29, 2022
Who’s Assimilating Whom?
This was originally published online in April of 1998. I was once a very passionate advocate for trans liberation when I wrote and posted essays on the Android Sisters blog that I ran for a few years in the late ’90s. The contrivance of…
December 2, 2021
What the Autopsy Revealed
Originally appeared in The Stranger; volume 1, issue 1; September 1991 under the byline "Tony Ramirez". It has been edited to remove some errors and inconsistencies in the original. My conversations with Lydia Bordland began in the late…
November 9, 2021
Slave Morality
https://youtu.be/aPhrTOg1RUk I watched a philosophy video by Natalie Wynn yesterday that blew my mind. In it, she talks about Nietzsche’s Beyond Good and Evil and “slave morality”. This somewhat undermines my whole view of morality…
August 11, 2021
Social Anxiety
O’ how I wish the shaking would cease insecurity’s siblings: Doubt and Misgiving go away now and leave me in peace O’ how it pulses the heartbeat inside Adrenaline rising my self I’m despising please let me finish diminish, denied Were…
August 10, 2021
Go here. All the best stuff is here for now.
www.floatingpoint.pub Well, it was for a little while, anyway. We did good work. https://www.emojiency.com/portfolio/floatingpoint/FP1-FULL-NODRM.pdf https://www.emojiency.com/portfolio/floatingpoint/FP2-complete-0x01.pdf…
July 30, 2019
MadLib Writer’s Prompt
Let's write some Javascript to generate a writer's prompt from a list of nouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs, etc. First, we'll add some loading code. This code gets invoked two ways: first, we run it when the window is finished…
June 3, 2019
I wrote "Vacuum" from The Onion, November 15, 1988
Under the byline Mike Evans, because we used a lot of fake names back in those days instead of the current "no bylines" policy. The first year of The Onion had a lot more "creative writing" in it. Only the front page story was a "fake…
May 21, 2019
The Benzobuddies Chronicles
For three and a half years, I wrote updates on my recovery and posted them on the website Benzobuddies.org , mostly in the “Birthdays and Celebrations” sub-forum, but a few times in the “Exercise Support Group”. I was out of my mind a…
April 22, 2019
The Politics of Tom Clancy’s: The Division 2
The author as a rough man; sleep well, sweet dreams. White House for scale. © 2019 Jonnie Wilder “People sleep peacefully in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf” — Richard Grenier…
March 22, 2019
Farewell, Worthy Adversary
© 2019 Jonnie Wilder Seattle Weekly ’s last print issue hits the streets today. It’s another exclamation point at the end of a string of exclamation points that signal the exasperation of excitable writers witnessing the end of an era…
February 27, 2019
Start ’Em Young: Embrace the Violence of Video Games
©2019 J. Wilder I’m surrounded and the enemy is closing in. Backing away from them, I look over my shoulder at the edge of the futuristic Egyptian garden wall and imagine myself leaping into the mists below, where I will surely perish.…
February 14, 2019
Bullies Rule The World Only Because We Demand It
©2019 Johanna Wilder For most all of my childhood, and quite a bit of my young adulthood, I was bullied. Growing up in rural Indiana in the ’70s and ’80s was a challenge that required a child be either rugged brute or resilient target.…
February 12, 2019
I comment on Reddit
The Internet machine lets me type on it and I can't resist a box with a blinking line in it. Not rude at all, you were very polite. Thanks. Let me preface by saying this is my experience, and my perspective on my experience, and I've…
October 25, 2018
My Cyberpunk Future
The Seattle Metroplex, Circa 2018 I'm finally living in the cyberpunk future I've dreamed of living in since I was a kid. In my younger mind, the cyberpunk future was a cultural mélange raising a new age Tower of Babel over an aging…
July 15, 2018
Zip! Bang! Wow! and FFS
It's all happening at Zip! Bang! Wow! these days. Please have a look-see. There's a whole heap of blog there.
April 10, 2018
The Terrible Flag of My People
Trans-sexual and trans-gender warriors marching under a battle standard defined with muted pastel colors around a milky white center do not inspire. Is it because my people spend so much of our lives trying not to stand out, but to fit…
June 21, 2017
International Noobs' Day
Amazon should be most famous for getting credit for other people's achievements. Instead, the ubiquitous internet company that couldn't even come up with its own name has been getting a lot of grief for poor treatment of its workers:…
May 1, 2017